


Arms

by trashandgay



Series: song fics [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Just read, M/M, One Shot, but please read im desperate, hope i can actually write it lmao, i wrote this instead of studying lmao, idk man, idk what else to tag, its a good song, its good I promise, its kinda angsty, just kidding i dont promise anything, just two normal dudes who are in love, like maybe some parts, ok well, so yeah its fluffy i guess, theyre not wizards in this btw, this is based off arms by christina perri, this is probably very very bad, tho idk if i can call it angst, u should listen to it, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 13:19:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17684237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashandgay/pseuds/trashandgay
Summary: You put your arms around me and I'm home.





	Arms

**Author's Note:**

> this is like my first published one shot so its probably bad but no ones gonna read anyway but like if someone ends up reading this enjoy and stuff lmao okay anyway

_I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart_

_But you came around_

_And you knocked me off the ground from the start_

Remus remembers when he and Sirius first met. He remembers when and where and how and just about  _everything_ _._  He remembers the way Sirius smiled at Remus when he first saw him. He remembers the way Remus's broken hand stopped hurting for a mere second when he first noticed Sirius. And how it hurt almost immediately again. He remembers the weak cry of pain he let out, and he remembers Sirius's smile dropping from his very handsome face as he rushed over to help Remus. He remembers the exact date.

October 22 1987.

His whole day had turned around. Hell, his whole life flipped around that day.

Yes, his hand was broken. And yes, he was in a hospital. But he met the love of his life there. And, unsurprisingly, he doesn't regret the blindfold skateboarding he did for a dare. Sirius was there to visit his friend who accidentally stabbed himself in the hand while making a sandwich. If he could, he'd run up to that same friend to thank him for fucking up stupidly.

_You put your arms around me_

_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

Sirius had placed a gentle hand on Remus's shoulder. When Remus looked up at him, Sirius's face was a mix of fear and worry. Remus smiled at him reassuringly. Sirius gratefully returned the smile; relief taking over his eyes.

"How did you even manage to do that?" Sirius asked, smirking. He helped Remus sit down on one of the not-so-comfortable chairs in the waiting room. He crossed his arms over his chest and put all his weight on one leg. His eyebrows were slightly raised. Remus's heart was threatening to escape his rib cage and place itself in Sirius's hands.

"Uh, well, it's kind of an embarrassing story, really." Remus cleared his throat, his cheeks heating up. He blamed it on the huge amount of clothing he was wearing. "My friend dared me to skateboard while blindfolded."

Sirius let out a laugh, throwing his head backwards. Remus thought that was the sexiest thing he's ever witnessed. He smiled.

"Well, that is certainly interesting. More interesting than my story, anyway," Sirius laughed again and put a hand on his stomach.

"What's your story, then?"

Sirius sat down next to Remus. "Well, my idiotic friend stabbed himself in the hand. He was making a sandwich."

Remus chuckled, "Is he alright?"

"Yeah, it's not that bad. What about you?"

"I'm good," Remus replied automatically. His eyes and focus were glued to Sirius's breathtaking grey eyes. 

"Well, I have to go, dear stranger," Sirius exclaimed, pocketing his phone. He got up from his chair and half-bowed, smiling. Remus laughed. Sirius turned to leave. He was a foot away when he wheeled around to face Remus. "What's your name?"

"Remus."

"Well, dear Remus, I invite you to hang out with me tomorrow. Here is my," Sirius got out a pen from his jacket pocket, "phone number." He took Remus's right, non-injured hand and scribbled down something on it. He quickly turned back, but Remus saw the man's cheeks getting redder. 

His throat got suddenly dry, and his voice seemed to be getting lost. He watched Sirius enter a hospital room and muffled laughter. His thoughts were tangling with each other. He looked down at his arm. He saw six numbers and a word - a name. Sirius. He whispered the word aloud. The name sounded right coming out of his mouth. His heart was throbbing in his chest. He wondered if he should text him right now, but quickly decided against it. He'll text him later. He didn't want to interrupt whatever he was doing with his friend. His friend needed Sirius more than Remus did. 

_The real reason was that he didn't wanna seem desperate._

_How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around_

_I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown_

Remus remembers the two of them hanging out months later. They were out by the lake, swimming and having fun. Remus was laughing at something Sirius said. Sirius was making sandwiches. Remus was taking his clothes off to swim. Sirius was humming a song under his breath. It all felt so perfect. It  _was_ perfect. 

Sirius finished his sandwich rather fast and jumped on Remus in the lake. Remus was sure as hell not expecting that, he almost pulled off Sirius's trunks. He jumped backwards and thought they were going to die right then and there.

But Sirius was rather fast. He steadied Remus, a smirk playing on his lips. "What, am I too heavy for you?"

"Piss off," Remus smiled.

"How about I don't?" Sirius whispered, inching closer to Remus. Their chests were pressed together; and Remus was sure that if Sirius focused enough, he could feel Remus's heart hammering.

He was at loss of words. He was having difficulty breathing. He went for the next best option. He leaned in and closed the gap between them. 

He immediately pulled back after realizing what he had just done. He almost stumbled and fell, but Sirius caught him. "Where d'you think you're going?" Sirius whispered, resting his hands on Remus's chest and capturing his lips.

_I hope that you see right through my walls_

_I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling_

_I'll never let a love get so close_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

"Life is just shit."

"It is," Remus admitted, a clean watered cloth in his hand. His other hand was rested on Sirius's thigh. He gently wiped the blood on Sirius's face, making sure not to touch his bruises. 

"That's why you have to be stronger than life. And you have  _strong_  in your heart."

"Do I? This is clearly proof that I don't." Sirius waved his arms around. Remus frowned, putting the cloth down on the counter.

"Is that what you think? Personally, I think that was a very brave thing to do. And that is proof of strength," Remus declared, his mind tracing back the memory of Sirius getting in a bad fight after someone called Sirius and Remus names for holding hands in the streets.

"Yeah. Because strength is getting childishly worked up over what a random passerby said."

"No. Strength is standing up for the people you care about." Remus's hand found their way to Sirius's not-so-bruised cheek. "Which is exactly what you did today." Remus looked straight in Sirius's eyes. And he noticed how actually beautiful they were. Of course, he'd noticed that multiple times before. But this time was different. This time he could see the grey meddling around with pecks of green. Misty fog. Storms. Thunderstorms. Shapes. Grey. Green. He could see all of those now. He loved Sirius's beautiful, astonishing eyes. It was the first thing he'd noticed about Sirius when they first met. He got lost in Sirius's eyes yet again, after so many months. He loved Sirius's eyes, and Sirius's smile, and Sirius's laugh, and Sirius's lips. He loved Sirius.

Wait. He what?

That sudden phrase made its way to the top of his mind. He is falling in love with Sirius. And he was fucked. So very fucked.

Remus's breath hitched in his throat as he caught Sirius's lips with his own. Sirius's lips tasted different. Well, not different - but it felt as if it was their first time kissing. His stomach erupted with butterflies and sparks, and his hands came to rest on Sirius's shoulders, and his heart was stammering in his chest. He opened his eyes, though not breaking the kiss. Sirius opened his, too, a moment later. 

Remus's hands moved to Sirius's thighs again. "I love you," Remus whispered so quietly, his voice muffled by Sirius's mouth. Remus could imagine his words echoing in Sirius's throat.

"What?" Sirius whispered back.

Remus pulled his lips back a bit. "I'm in love with you."

Sirius's eyes widened slightly - so slightly that if he wasn't standing an inch away from Sirius's face, Remus would not have been able to notice.

"You're-"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I-I'm in love with you, too."

Sirius kissed him again, more passionately than ever before. Remus could feel Sirius's heartbeat as he put his hand on Sirius's chest. 

_The world is coming down on me_

_And I can't find a reason to be loved_

_I never wanna leave you_

_But I can't make you bleed if I'm alone_

Remus felt his heart shake and break as he pretended not to hear Sirius's whimpers and sobs. He so badly wanted to turn around and take Sirius in his arms and never let go. He doesn't get why Sirius has to fight this alone. He doesn't have to. Not anymore. Remus is there for him. He will be there for Sirius years from now.

He heard Sirius mumble a few words here and there, and then he heard sobbing and muffled screams. And he didn't know if Sirius was awake or not. He didn't know which one was worse. All he knew was that he needed to be there for Sirius if he would let him. 

It was  not until Remus heard a gentle whisper of his name that he turned around. Sirius was sleeping. But he was jerking around and screaming and sobbing - and Remus's heart could barely take it. He cradled the older man in his lap, he played with his hair, he planted kisses on the top of his head, he whispered song lyrics to his ear. Sirius's screams were not getting better, and Remus felt hopeless. 

He supposed the only way to make Sirius feel better for now was to wake him up. 

Sirius jolted awake. His eyes were glistered with tears. His nose was puffy and his throat was sore. Remus tried as much as he could to hold back his own tears.

"I'm so- so sorry. Sorry for waking you up. Sorry for- wait, are- are you crying?" Sirius asked as he put a trembling hand on Remus's cheek. "I'm sorry for making you cry."

"No. I'm not-" Remus could barely hold it. So he shut up. He didn't want Sirius to feel any more guilty than he already did.

Sirius let a couple of tears fly down his cheek. "I'm so, so sorry."

"No. Stop- You shouldn't be apologizing. You did nothing wrong."

"I did though. You're crying. Because of me. That means I hurt you in some way. How did I hurt you?"

"You didn't hurt me, Sirius. I'm not crying because of you."

"Why are you crying then?"

Remus's hand flew to the back of Sirius's head and pulled him closer. "I'm crying because I'm watching the love of my life crumble next to me. I'm crying because I don't know how to help - if I can help. I'm crying because I let you go to sleep every night, and I pretend not to hear you sobbing right next to me in the middle of the night because you asked me not to do anything. I'm crying because I love you. I'm crying because I'm supposed to be your anchor, but I don't feel like you need an anchor, because you pull out every time I try to help you. Just- let me help you." Remus's voice broke on the last bit, his eyes swimming with tears.

"I know you think you can help, but I'm not sure you can."

"Let me at least  _try!"_

"Every night, I have nightmares about people I care about dying. Every night, I get dreams about  _you_  dying. And fire. Fire's everywhere. I'm locked somewhere, and I have to hear you scream every fucking night, and I have to claw at the door and try to pick the lock but I can never seem to get out. 

"Most times, the door opens. But when it does, it's too late. You're dead. Everything around us is burnt and destroyed. Except me. I'm perfectly okay. But when I see you on the ground, laying there motionless, it destroys me. My heart shatters. And then another fire starts, but you're not on the ground in my arms anymore. You're next to a wall. And the fire eats you alive. And I have to watch that happen to you and I can't do anything to save you. I can only stare at you while you get hurt, and I feel so useless and unimportant. Because what if this dream meant that I was not enough for you? What if, one day, you're actually close to dying, and I can't save you. What if I'm too late?"

Remus's heart sank. He took Sirius's hands in his and planted a soft kiss on them. "Sirius - I'm not dead. I'm here, with you. I'm not going anywhere. And I can't promise that I won't die tomorrow because I don't know that. But if I am close to dying, and if there's a way I could make it back to you alive, I swear on my life I will. I will never consciously leave you, Sirius. Never, you hear me? But one thing I'm sure of is that I'm not dead. I'm not going anywhere if you're not there with me, Sirius. But I want you to promise me something."

Sirius nodded viciously, his eyes still full of tears. "Yes? What?"

"I want you to promise me that if anything happens and I die, that you will continue living your life. I want you to find love again, and I want you to get married and have kids. I want you to be happy, Sirius. Promise me that you'll be happy."

Sirius broke down. He held a hand to his mouth to muffle his sobs. "Remus- you know I can't-"

"Please."

Sirius nodded and flung himself at his boyfriend of two years. He kissed Remus on every bit of skin he could reach. "Okay. I will. But that's only because you won't die now. Or ever. You will stay alive."

"You know that isn't-"

"It is. If you ever die, I promise I'll be happy. But I won't have to promise that just yet. Because you're still alive, and I'm still alive. And neither of us is dead. And we will not think about death anymore. We'll only think about life and love and happiness."

"Okay," Remus whispered, pulling Sirius closer to him, nuzzling his face in Sirius's hair.

   _You put your arms around me_

_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

Remus remembers how Sirius would get all worked up whenever he and Remus had a movie night and they had to choose a movie. They usually argued for half an hour to find the perfect movie to watch. In the end, they'd just give up and put a random movie on. They wouldn't even watch. They'd just cuddle up on the couch, an adorable puppy between them. And they'd kiss whenever there was a kissing scene, they'd see who could last longer - them or the actors. But that was just a pathetic excuse to get their lips in each other's throats.

Remus remembers how they would spend every night in their room acting like literal fools. They would act out movies and musicals and TV shows. They'd read badly written poems to each other. They'd laugh at the most lame jokes. They'd fall asleep to each other's heartbeat while the dog barked and chased bugs and plants outside. Sometimes the dog would join them, too.

Remus remembers when Sirius called him to come pick him up. It was raining. The place wasn't that far. Remus knew Sirius meant by car, but Remus got out of the house with an umbrella just for the fun of it. When Sirius saw him there, he flipped out, but they both laughed about it later at home.

Remus remembers their first kiss, their first date, their first everything.

And he remembers when they almost broke up. Though he doesn't wish to remember that. 

They were both very angry and very stupid. It was a very big misunderstanding. They were both getting very distant. Remus thought that Sirius felt nothing towards him anymore. Sirius thought that Remus was getting tired of him. They both still loved each other dearly, but each thought the other had stopped.

There was screaming and shouting and swearing. Even the dog got scared and hid under the couch. 

"Why?! Why are you doing this? What went wrong? Did I do something wrong? Is this because of me?" Sirius had shouted.

"I wanted to ask you the same question! You've been so distant these past few days, and I let it slide because I'm fucking in love with you. And-"

"What?"

"What?!"

"You felt like I was getting distant?"

"Well, yes! That's what I just said, wasn't it?"

"Well, yeah. But that's the same way I feel about you."

"You  _what?"_

"Yeah, I mean. I think the reason I'm getting distant - or whatever - is because I think that you don't want me anymore."

"And the reason  _I'm_  getting distant is because  _I_  think  _you_  don't want  _me_ anymore."

Sirius smiled. "Exactly."

"We're both really fucking stupid."

Sirius laughed and stepped closer to Remus. "So. Do you still want me, or?"

"Of course I do, you idiot."

"Okay. Good. Me, too."

"Good. Now kiss me. It's been days."

Sirius chuckled and did as he was told. The puppy got out from under the couch and tugged at Remus's pants. He had to break the kiss. 

"What do you want now, you weirdo?" Remus asked the dog in a mock-baby voice. Sirius was watching, a smile tugging at his lips.

  _I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth_

_And I've never opened up_

_I've never truly loved 'till you put your arms around me_

_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

And now, Remus could see Sirius's eyes peeking over the book he was reading to glance at Remus. Their dog was laying on top of Remus's legs.

"You know, Sirius," Remus began. "I'm not sure I ever experienced love before you. Sure, I've dated a few people. But I was never  _in love_. It's weird. I've been in love now for more than three years."

"Yeah. I know. Me, too. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I'm not sure I ever will either. And yeah, it's weird. But in a good way."

"In a good way," Remus agreed.

Remus tickled the dog gently, but his mind and eyes were focused on Sirius. Damn. He loved that man so much. Sirius closed his book suddenly and leapt over to catch Remus's lips with his own.

"And, see, Sirius. I didn't die."

Sirius laughed, slapping the side of Remus's head playfully. "Don't jinx it."

   _You put your arms around me and I'm home_  


End file.
